TLV

Sitting in Ben Gurion International Airport near Tel Aviv, taking a break to sit down and blog because I've been running around in the airport for about two hours. Fortunately, I got my computer to cooperate (I've narrowed the problem down to some kind of firmware corruption due to the bootloader--in other words, things got screwed up with the startup procedure, and I think it's because I have multiple operating systems on here. Unfortunately, since I didn't take any of my external drives with me (or a copy of Leopard, for that matter), I can't do much about it now.

Anyhow, Birthright is now officially over. I'm in the airport now, surrounded by strangers, with all of my stuff on me. It's now 3:39pm, and my flight leaves at 5am. Unfortunately, I can't check in until 1:30am, so I'm stuck with the baggage because there's no storage I can use here. So I'll pay 13 shekels each way to spend the evening in Tel Aviv, and hopefully I'll find a nice hotel concierge who will let me store my bags for a bit.


I think that especially with blogs like this, what makes it most interesting to read is the thoughts and feelings of the author. I must admit, this moment is a bittersweet time, and certainly a great period of transition. I spent more money than I thought I would or planned on spending in Israel, so I am unfortunately fairly sure that I won't have enough money for eight weeks in Russia. Besides that, I spent $100 today to extend my trip another seven days so that I will have some more time in Israel in August. Let me first say--that was a strange decision to make. Being with the group and having an amazing tour guide and group staff leaders makes Israel into a fascinating and wonderful place--everyone comes from their own experience and everyone has their individual selves going their own ways. But now here I am, looking at another nine weeks around roughly this longitude, and I don't have enough money. I now have a lot of friends in Israel, but I have no phone, no job, no income, no car, and although most everyone speaks useful English, I know precious little Hebrew.

So here I am, and I am beginning to realize that my romantic dreams of traveling the world are without a doubt not without their problems, issues, difficulties, and so on. Solitude can be nice on occasion, but I do thrive on others, for better or worse. For that matter, independence is a wonderful thing, but loneliness is hard. I realized when I handed over my check card to extend my flight further, I was making a trade-off. The invitation to spend a few days in Eilat celebrating Shabbat with Dean's family and hopefully with some of the other Israelis I've met was tantalizing. However, I felt my monetary reserves dwindling. Most of all, though, I felt that time I could be spending with friends or family in California, Washington, or Oregon during that time slipping away from me. I'll only be in America for one month before I go to Japan.

So what am I doing, then? In short, what I need to do. I need to learn these lessons on my own. I need to teach myself that sometimes a souvenir really isn't so necessary. Sof ometimes it's better to pack a little lighter.

I've learned the hard way in the past couple of months that I do indeed feel a domestic instinct, a natural wont to have comfort, a home, a steady job, someone to come back to. But now I'm on my own, and with each passing week I learn more about how to take care of myself. It's a terribly hard lesson to learn. I know that I yearn for adventure, and I love travel. I'm addicted to wonder, and a good interpreter seems better than religion to me. On that matter, actually, I will say that during the past eleven days in Israel, I've learned that Judaism is really at its core a shared cultural heritage. If you can identify with it, if you can see yourself as Jewish, then you belong.

I miss being unencumbered by luggage, I miss being with good friends (something that never seems to happen enough even when it does happen), and I miss having a house full of food and confortable beds. I miss people that make my life feel worthwhile. I suppose that one thing that travel teaches is that you can find people like that anywhere, but I can't forget my roots and the things that have been most important to me. I couldn't possibly anyhow, even if I were to try. That's the definition of Shorashim--roots. But life moves ahead, and I still have a lot ahead of me. Looking ahead, this is barely the beginning.

Last night at the Mega Event, there were lots of recruiters for various ways to connect with Israel beyond Birthright, including study abroad programs, graduate programs, an environmental institute, lots of information on making aliyah (emigrating to Israel), and so on. I have to say, the idea of doing a graduate program in Israel in...SOME kind of degree... well, it sounds very interesting. But then I check myself: what sort of degree would you actually do? Is it worth giving up all of your connections in America? How could someone who is never in one place ever actually hold down a good relationship with someone? What about a job, an income? The 8 weeks in Russia is already putting me almost three thousand dollars in debt, and I have a rough plan to pay it back but no plans to save any money.

So here I am.

There's so much more to say, about the respect I feel for Israelis, about the exact nature of the connection I've been feeling to this land, my thoughts or expectations on going to Russia tomorrow, what I've learned about the Arab/Israeli Conflict, and my general thoughts on being on my own or on Israel itself--or on other matters, like Tufts or academics or where I'm going in life.

One thing I've always had is a great belief in my abilities, even if I have disappointed myself in the past. I don't actually doubt myself, and that's something that others need to understand about me. I know how capable I am, so what I need is encouragement. I know that I'll be able to find my way. I know that I'll be able to communicate if I actually try. (S'likha, ani lo mebaber ivrit. At medaber onglit? Eifo hashirutim? Toda, toda. etc. etc. Hebrew is cool.) And I know that I'll find my way. I have faith in real people.

So right now, I'll get train tickets, find a place to relax for the evening in Tel Aviv, and head back to the airport later tonight. I'll be met at the airport in St. Petersburg, and whatever happens, I'll go from there.